Bernasconi Bits

Category: JoysOfFatherhood

Eau de Mama par Desperate Fathers

As the father of a newborn whose only current desire is to spend as much time as possible with his Mama (and will scream like a banshee when denied), I am asking the scientific and fragrance communities to create the following:

Eau de Mama

Eau de Mama - A New Fragrance

Eau de Mama combines the sweet smell of a mother’s comforting¬†embrace with the slightest hint of fresh breast milk to create the perfect formula for any father or care giver longing to hold and be loved by their child.

Eau de Mama, for those who are not Mama.

Eau de Mama is sold at Neiman Marcus and other fine retailers.

Please Note: Eau de Mama does not guarantee your child will love you at any point during his or her development. This fragrance is only meant to be used during times of pure desperation which can be every time you hold your child.

The Ten Steps to an Early Morning Diaper Change

Diaper Changing - Step OneStep 1 – Remove dirty diaper.
Step 2 – Frantically try to catch and clean the fresh stream of urine.
Step 3 – Clean infant and outfit with new diaper.
Step 4 – Groan at the sound of a fresh diaper deposit.
Step 5 – Subtract precious minutes of sleep as you wait for any additional deposits.
Step 6 – Replace current dirty diaper with clean one.
Step 7 – Desperately try to sooth infant who will cry for almost no reason.
Step 8 – Swaddle infant and rock until asleep.
Step 9 – Place infant into bassinet.
Step 10 – Lay back down and instead of sleeping, stare at ceiling wide awake and willfully hold back the urge to scream Fu….

Photo courtesy of sunsurfr.

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